AUTHOR'S NOTE: Talk about an out-of-sequence mess. While posts of starfish and waffles' last weeks of Swedish summer are still in the pipeline, today, the present takes precedence. Chalk it up to a continuation of a recurrent theme. Chalk it up to the editor's executive decision.
felix's daily starfish and waffles on location at the Icelandair Saga Lounge in Keflavík, Iceland. (2009).
I leave Sweden today.
5:30am, wide awake. No sense in forcing it. Get up, a voice says. And I do.
Breakfast, shower, brushing my teeth. It's instinctive. I don't need to think. It's just as well, because my mind is frozen numb. Synapses tingle, but not in a good way.
Moving last remnants of what's left of my apartment, saying goodbye to Jonna at the train station, dropping off my keys. Everything's a blur. Everything.
Sarah, big heart and all, helps me with my luggage onto the train and all the way to the airport at Kastrup. The train is delayed, however, and sits on the tracks.
"They don't want you to leave," Sarah smiles.
Eventually, we get to Kastrup. After check-in, we sit down for one last coffee at Starbucks. Sarah orders an iced coffee with an extra shot of espresso; I opt for an Innocent strawberry and banana smoothie. Typisk! as the Swedes would say. Maybe so, but on a day where life exits the comfort of the Lund bubble, one last blast of familiarity is nice.
I go through security ... reality starts to sink in. I sit down at the gate ... I begin to feel sad. I walk the bridge ... and though I want to, I don't turn back.
Through inadvertence, coincidence or mistake, I've been upped to business class on my flight to Keflavík in Iceland, the first stop of my 40-hour trip back to Canada. Big, comfortable, window seat. The promise of real food, bottomless drinks, and better service.
But I don't care.
I'm worn. I physically hurt. Whether it's attributable to accrued sleep deprivation, the stress of the move, or something else, I don't know.
Even before the plane backs away from the terminal building, I close my eyes and drift away. Simplify and shutter the senses. Try not to think about what's going on.
I'm half asleep when I feel the plane lift off the runway. I don't open my eyes. I don't look out the window.
I left Sweden today.