Monday, March 09, 2009

colloquialist vernacularism

2 mammals, 227 posts, and 84,473 words. The numbers don't lie: over the years, me and the editor have accumulated a wealth of experience with the English language here on felix's daily starfish and waffles. Does this make us English language experts? Why yes, I believe that it does. Do we deserve medals for our linguistic exploits? Why yes, I believe that we do. Are we smart, funny, and undeniably good-looking? Well, I have to admit, all signs do point to yes ... so yes, yes, we most certainly are.


What's more quroculent, Julian's beard or his chess-playing skills? If you don't understand the meaning of this question, we recommend you keep reading.

Yet, in spite of this all, we believe it's our bottomless humility that sets us apart. As such, I think it's high time we gave back to the language whose rich tapestry of vocabulary has been so very generous in allowing us to spread our unique brand of propaganda to oh-so-many around the world.

And exactly how might we do this, you ask? You sure do ask a lot of questions. But the answer is, by introducing our very own words to the English language, of course.

Somebody: phone Webster's!

***
1. qur·oc·u·lent |ker'-awk-ew-lint|
(adjective)
  • Definition: Not quite amazing, not quite astonishing, but an agglomeration of the two at roughly an 80%-to-20% ratio.
  • Usage Example: Quroculently, I got away with using the word "quroculent" twelve times in the latest draft of my Asian studies dissertation.
  • Derivatives and Antonyms: quroculence (noun), quroculate (verb), quroculently (adverb), quasi-quroculent (adjective), disquroculent (antonym), contra-quroculent (antonym).

2. thumb-glove |thuhm'-gluhv|
(noun, usually plural, as in thumb-gloves)
  • Definition: Mitten; mitt. The literal (and hilarious, in my opinion) translation of the Swedish word "tumvante" into English.
  • Usage Example: She put on thumb-gloves for each of her three hands before heading out into the winter cold.
  • Derivatives and Antonyms: thumb-glovingly (adverb), sock (antonym), toe-gloves (antonym).

3. k·nu·spy |k-noos'-pee|
(adjective)
  • Definition: Delightfully crispy but never crunchy; sometimes paradoxically with nougat.
  • Usage Example: That knuspy chocolate bar is better than heaven and badder than hell.
  • Derivatives and Antonyms: knuspication (noun), knuspiness (noun), knuspify (verb), unknuspy (antonym).

4. un·fun |uhn-fuhn'|
(adjective)
  • Definition: Not fun.
  • Usage Example: All work and no play makes for one unfun son-of-a-bitch.
  • Derivatives and Antonyms: fun (antonym).

5. Chi·nese goose·berr·y |chī'-neez goos'-ber-ee|
(noun)
  • Definition: What a kiwifruit really is. (Read more about it here).
  • Usage Example: I'm still angry at New Zealanders for perpetrating the deceitful myth of the kiwifruit and suppressing the quroculent story of the Chinese gooseberry.
  • Derivatives and Antonyms: Chinese gooseberried (verb, means to be defrauded), kiwifruit (antonym).

***

Because of her quroculent smile, we are willing to overlook Dorothee's inexplicable love moderate appreciation for Melodifestivalen.


The editor seems amused by staring at a thumb-glove that's bigger than he is.


Felix-brand chocolate bars mesmerize people and rabbits alike with their spectacular knuspiness.


The nerdy glasses say it all: Brainy Smurf is unequivocally an unfun, blue bastard.

6 comments:

  1. felix - where does one find Knuspy Felix bars????? Ica? How have I not heard about these?

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  2. The Knuspy Felix bar you see in the picture was purchased at an organic grocery store in Berlin. The knuspy chocolate was pure quroculence - and I'm not just saying that because my name is on the quroculently designed wrapper!

    I'm not sure if you can get Knuspy Felix in Sweden - maybe at an organic food store? Here's the link to the manufacturer's website. Apparently, in addition to Knuspy Felix, one can also buy Schoky Felix, Milly Felix and, embarrassingly, Flaky Felix and Dinky Felix.

    ReplyDelete
  3. "Derivatives and Antonyms: Chinese gooseberried (verb, means to be defrauded), kiwifruit (antonym)."

    Best past tense verb. Ever.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Thank you, anonymous commenter.

    The editor promises you that starfish and waffles will never Chinese gooseberry you on any of the verbs we use, past tense or otherwise.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Felix, methinks you have a brilliant, twisted mind. I hope never to be Chinese gooseberried by you.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Thank you, Sohobutterfly. And no, I would never thumb-glovingly Chinese gooseberry a friend, as that would surely be both unknuspy and contra-quroculent to the highest degree.

    ReplyDelete