Sunday, January 07, 2007

my simulated reality tv life: episode nineteen

Yeah, we know it's been awhile since we last aired a new episode of My Simulated Reality TV Life ... but we couldn't help it. With simulated Felix rehabbing in the Betty Ford Clinic and Bridgette holding out for an eight-figure contract extension, we were kind of stuck in a difficult position. But we're happy to report that all of the drama is now behind us, so let's get to the new episode! Miss the last one? Click here for a rerun. New to My Simulated Reality TV Life? Click here to start at the very beginning, or look down the left sidebar of this page for links to all of the old episodes. Ok, enough talk, let's get to it!

Simulated Felix: the undisputed, swimming pool champion of the world!! Unfortunately, for you, simulated Felix, the attractive women in the pool are heeding no attention to your, haha, huge biceps. (But hey, nice nipples). Author's note: just in case all of you out there in blogosphere are wondering, in real life, I have a way better upper body than simulated Felix.

Episode Nineteen
Four out of five of the world's leading swimming pool psychologists agree: you can tell a lot about a person by watching how he or she goes off a diving board. So, how do you jump off a diving board? Do you opt for the graceful, dignified swan dive, or do you go for the big splash belly flop?

In the case of the simulated me, it's the latter. 'Tis true my friends, simulated Felix is a belly flopper. Not that you should be surprised, though, if you've seen any of the old episodes of My Simulated Reality TV Life. The simulated me loves the attention and nothing gets attention around a swimming pool like a well-executed belly flop.

Wife Bridgette, on the other hand, appears to favour the ever-popular cannonball. This, too, fits her personality: the cannonball is no-nonsense and efficient, yet fun. In fact, it is these very qualities, which are serving Bridgette well in her endeavours as a new entrepreneur.

The belly-flopping simulated Felix goes for a big splash off the diving board.

Wife Bridgette, on the other hand, is a talented cannonballer.

If you recall, two episodes ago, after a high stakes rock-paper-scissors match with the simulated me, Bridgette bought her very own flower shop with her winnings. And let me tell you, it hasn't taken her very long to become a huge success. With the help of her top sales associate, simulated -c, customers are buying bouquets of types of flowers they've never even heard of. Woohoo! The cash is rolling in.

On the downside, however, success at the flower shop means Bridgette is away from home a lot. And it's getting to the point where the simulated me and our little toddler, Felicia (remember her?), aren't seeing much of Bridgette anymore. Is this a foreboding sign? It's becoming clear that Felicia misses her mom ... and, as for the simulated me, temptation is starting to make an appearance, what with that sexy maid in the house ...

Surely, something's afoot here on My Simulated Reality TV Life. Make sure you tune in to the next episode to see what happens!

A typical scene from Bridgette's Flower Shop: simulated -c (in the pink top) starts off unsuspecting customers with a great sales pitch and Bridgette closes the deal by ringing up their purchases.

"Just picture it ... if you buy a bouquet of our orchids and put it in your window, people will be so impressed they won't even remember that you're a registered sex offender!" As you've probably figured out by now, simulated -c is one helluva salesperson.

Simulated -c puts together a bouquet of ... hey, are those tulips? Haha, tulips.

Simulated Penny delivers a painful left jab to the arm of her friend, simulated Felix, when he disagrees with her assertion that "Charlie R. Potter is the coolest fucking person alive."

Felicia's teddy bear to simulated Felix: "Just trust me, I'm a skilled painter. Take off your pants."


  1. Hmmmm, a maid huh? Can't wait for the next episode ....the bear ... is a dirty,dirty, little guy! Bad,bad bear!

  2. "Trust me.... take off your pants"

    hahahhahahaaa. sorry. that was funny! :)

  3. Yup, that little bear grabs the spotlight again! Hehe!

    And, I'm glad you managed to work in my excellent salesmanship as well as a few tulips:)

    Nice bellyflop! If that doesn't get the hot young lifeguards sympathetically pawing you,I don't know what will!

  4. M ... Admit it - the bear is so bad, he's good.

    Katie ... No need to apologize Katie - the bear exists only to make all of you loyal readers in blogdom laugh!

    -c ... Haha, "tulips." And I agree, simulated Felix has terrific bellyflop form. Now if I could only get hot lifeguards to sympathetically paw me in real life ... :)

  5. Hey! Is that (simulated) me in the pool, too?

  6. Hey LD!

    Yes, that is simulated you in the swimming pool. And I think that's also you who's in Bridgette's thought balloon. I wonder what that's all about?

  7. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  8. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.