Sunday, November 26, 2006

my simulated reality tv life: episode eighteen

The air temperature outside my apartment right now: -25C (-13F). That's freezing! You might as well come indoors and get out of the cold, so you can enjoy tonight's hot, all-new episode of My Simulated Reality TV Life! Miss the last episode? Click here for a rerun. New to the series? Click here to start at Episode One, or look down the left side of the main page of starfish and waffles to find links to all of the old episodes. Now don't delay, because tonight's episode begins in mere seconds!

Fire! As simulated Felix discovers, unbridled flambé can be a risky affair.

Episode Eighteen
As clearly evidenced back in Episode Four, the simulated me is pretty handy in the kitchen, with a proven record of whipping up gourmet meals on demand. But even simulated gourmet chefs like myself can get themselves in trouble when they push the boundaries of culinary wisdom a little too much.

Like tonight. With wife Bridgette and toddler Felicia out of the house, the simulated me apparently decides it might be fun to prepare a little flambé hamburger for supper. Fun? Definitely. Tasty? Well, maybe. Fire safe? Ummm, not so much.

In a simulated jiffy, my simulated kitchen is engulfed in simulated flames! The simulated fire alarm goes off. I panic. What do I do? Well, don't just stand there, simulated Felix, dial simulated 9-1-1!

Luckily, a fire engine is not far off, and a fireman with some kind of super-fire extinguisher appears and saves the day. Phew! Disaster averted. What a relief!

After all is said and done, my kitchen's become quite a mess. Happily though, somehow my flambé hamburger is still relatively intact. Well, no use in letting good food go to waste. The simulated me proceeds to plate the charbroiled burger and sit down at the dining room table with a knife-and-fork.

"Mmmmm, fire extinguish-y."

Make sure you tune in to the next delicious episode of My Simulated Reality TV Life!

Phew! Disaster averted. Props to the local simulated fire department! Now let that be a lesson to you, simulated Felix: make sure you charbroil your burgers in the barbecue, not on top of the kitchen stove.

I'm not exactly sure what's going on here, but I assume from the concerned look on Bridgette's face that simulated Felix has cooties. Haha, aren't these two adorable? They're just like a couple of love monkeys.

Surely, being declared "cootie-free" is a reason for both you and your simulated wife to smile.

Toddler Felicia continues her "learn-to-talk" sessions. Not sure if simulated Felix is trying to teach her to say "Daddy" or "simulated Felix."

"If you buy one of our rubber trees, not only will you be able to grow your own tires, you'll also become more attractive to men!" With salesmanship like that, it's no wonder that simulated -c was hired to pitch the wares in Bridgette's new flower shop.

Felicia's teddy bear explains to Bridgette: "I wanted to impress this female panda so I went with her to the Justin Timberlake concert last night. Now I feel dirty. Dirty like my gonorrhea."


  1. Loved the drama and excitement of the simulated fire sequence! Does simulated Felix always practice his culinary expertise wearing those little shorts?

    Oh, that dirty, dirty, promiscuous little bear! Still my favorite character:)

    PS- Owning rubber trees also increases your chances of bouncing back after tough relationship kicks...

  2. You know, I've noticed that simulated Felix has been wearing alot less attire around his simulated house as of late ... do you think that exhibitionist is aware that the cameras are rolling?

    -c, you're not alone: Felicia's teddy bear continues to be, far-and-away, the highest-rated character on the show!

    How much for one of those rubber trees again?

  3. Dirty, dirty bear all right! He makes me laugh louder than loud! He needs to be nominated for an Emmy or at the very least a Peoples' Choice Award! Bravo!

  4. Yes, m, we're going to see what we can do about getting the bear his own star on the sidewalk of Hollywood Blvd.

  5. thanks for the kind words Dingobear! it was very nice of you and means a lot to me. :)

    and since I'm picking this up late in the game... I'll just have to go back and read all the old ones. but the fire reminds me of my burnt grill cheese. :)

  6. Katie, I'm not going to lie to you: My Simulated Reality TV Life will make more sense if you go back and check out all of the old classic episodes.

    I think you may find Episode Four especially interesting, given you recent experiences with grilled cheese.