Wednesday, October 04, 2006

my simulated reality tv life: episode sixteen

All of those long summer nights of yearning are finally over because, as of right now, you're only seconds away from the highly-anticipated season première of the most beloved simulated reality series in all the land, My Simulated Reality TV Life! Miss the last episode? Click here. New to the series? Refer to the links on the left side of this page to catch-up on all of the old episodes, or just click here to start at the very beginning. Ok, enough talk ... because tonight's episode begins ... now!

"My charm and good looks paid for this pool ... and my talent filled it with water!" simulated Felix proudly explains to his friend, simulated Penny, who apparently has absolutely no respect for the newly-planted poppies in simulated Felix's flower bed. Meanwhile, on the right, simulated Felix's wife, Bridgette, is getting along just swimmingly.

Episode Sixteen
After a long, summer layoff, the simulated me has been forced to start thinking about getting back into the routine of daily working life. But really, this isn't much fun. And besides, what person would want summer to end? Not the simulated me. And not wife Bridgette.

So in defiance of the upcoming winter, the simulated me and Bridgette do the only logical thing: we shell out the big dollars to install a swank, heated swimming pool in our backyard ... to extend the feeling of summer indefinitely! The possibilities are endless: Bridgette in skimpy-clad bikinis, belly-flops off the diving board, Bridgette in a bikini, pool parties with all of our friends invited, and Bridgette looking hot in a bikini! Oh baby!

Now, a regular viewer of My Simulated Reality TV Life may wonder where the financially-challenged simulated me came up with the cash to buy a swimming pool. I'm not sure, but I think the answer may have something to do with drugs. Oh well, at least the drug money was for a good cause ... I mean, it's a pool, people!

And so the story goes. Make sure you tune in to the next episode of My Simulated Reality TV Life for the continuing saga of simulated Felix!

Romantic pillow-talk between simulated Felix and Bridgette. "The first time I looked deep into your beautiful green eyes, I knew it was meant to be and I had no choice but to turn my back on sumo forever."

Simulated Felix teaches daughter Felicia a few first words. But instead of trying to get her to say old standard stuff like "Daddy" or "Mommy"... or even "cookie," simulated Felix apparently opts for something a little more difficult: "Felicia, can you say 'Fisher-Price Deluxe Baby High Chair Supreme 3000?'"

Two simulated blogworlds collide: simulated Penny, on the left, introduces herself to the mysterious (and hot!) simulated -c on the right. We don't know what to say other than the fact that this groundbreaking tête-à-tête can only lead to moments of hilarious proportions in the future.

Simulated -c daydreams of ... Felicia's teddy bear? Wait, what's the connection here? Stay tuned to future episodes of My Simulated Reality TV Life and find out! (And check out that toilet on her front lawn!)

The fun never stops with Felicia's teddy bear. Here, he tells simulated Felix: "I was at the eye doctor's the other day, and the optometrist guy tells me to read the second row of letters. And I'm like, 'what letters?' So he laughs at me - the arrogant bastard. He laughs at me! Obviously, I don't like his attitude, so I dropkick him right between the eyes. As he clutches his face and falls to the floor writhing in pain, I think to myself: now, THAT's funny. Bwahahahahaha!"


  1. That bear is feaking funny. He has a potty mouth ... I like it. So we finally get introduced to -c ... can't wait to see how this season pans out ... the best season premier I've seen thus far

  2. I hope you understand that Penny and I are engaged in private dealings- the specifics of which are rather nefarious and should not be broadcasted in future episodes... (should you wish to maintain your plush new-pool lifestyle, that is... -THREAT, threat...:)

    And that bear..., well, yes, I admit i often dream of him...

    Happy to have episodes back and airing!

  3. m ... Yes, the bear is one the show's best characters, I think. Tune in to future episodes to find out what he'll say next!

    -c ... I will have you know that simulated me and my simulated plush new-pool lifestyle will not be held hostage by your threats! But because you used the word "nefarious" in your comment, I'll just pretend that none of this ever happened. Haha, "nefarious." I love that word. :) Happy to have your continued support of My Simulated Reality TV Life!

  4. Sorry I dropped out of the blogosphere! I feel like an asshole for not being aware of what the simulated me has been doing in your neighborhood! (Up to no good, that Penny.)

    Next time, can I dream of something? Iguanas? Totem poles?

  5. Penny, absolutely no need to apologize about being away from blogworld ... I assume you're keeping afloat in what seems to be a deluge of a semester?

    Haha, yeah, that simulated Penny is a little hell-raiser. I'll see what I can do about simulated dreams of iguanas, totem poles and maybe - just maybe - iguana totem poles.