Sunday, April 23, 2006

my simulated reality tv life: episode thirteen

Thirteen episodes strong and still counting, My Simulated Reality TV Life has become one your life's guilty pleasures. Don't even pretend that it's not. And, just when you thought it couldn't get any better, we've done it once again ... now that My Simulated Reality TV Life is made with zero trans fat, you can indulge, repeatedly and guilt-free, in as many old episodes as you want! Miss the last one? Click here for a rerun. Want to start at the very beginning so you can re-live all of your favourite moments? Click here. Tricadecaphobia be damned, I say, because lucky Episode 13 begins ... now!

Wife Bridgette plays with toddler Felicia by tossing her high into the air. Lest you be concerned of Felicia falling, note that Bridgette's grotesquely webbed right hand - which sort of resembles a catcher's mitt - will ensure that the playful little tot is securely caught.

Episode Thirteen
Being the energetic little (and, apparently, Asian) toddler that she's become, Felicia sure is keeping Bridgette and the simulated me on our toes. Which is probably a good thing because it means we're getting more practice at this whole parenting gig and former misadventures are now being kept to a minimum.

And, even though they can be a bit of trouble, toddlers are just more fun. They're more responsive to the world around them and they learn so quickly. Kind of like when me and Bridgette are teaching Felicia how to walk. Before you know it, they're running around like little people!

Hey, all of you new parents out there ... join the newest craze that's sweeping the nation - feeding your child radioactive milk! Studies show that plutonium-infused milk enhances motor skill development and capacity for spacial thought. Disclaimer: linkages between plutonium milk and increased rates of leukemia are for the courts to decide.

Simulated Felix and Bridgette teach a glowing Felicia how to walk. Felicia is proving to be a quick study. That radioactive milk is turning her into some kind of mutant superchild! Cool!

So I guess you could say our simulated life is coming along quite swimmingly once again ... things are nice and comfortable and not much exciting is really happening. This is boring, you say? Well, maybe. But as past history has shown, every time things seemed to be getting a little too easy for simulated Felix and Bridgette, a nasty surprise was always waiting just around the corner. Will this time be any different? Make sure to tune in to the next episode of My Simulated Reality TV Life and find out!

Awww, isn't that sweet? Bridgette dreams about simulated Felix while she sleeps ...

... and who does simulated Felix dream of? Why, simulated Felix, of course.

Felicia's outspoken teddy bear, who always seems to have a whip-smart opinion ready, finally finds himself rendered speechless during an awkward moment when he walks in on simulated Felix and his exposed doodle. Nice banana, simulated Felix!


  1. That's funny, I dream about simulated me, too.

    Is there a toilet in simulated Felix's living room, or do I need to watch the reruns for something I missed?

  2. Long Division, is it you that dreams about the simulated you or is it the simulated you that dreams about the simulated you? Just checking.

    Actually, to better facilitate the action-packed filming, we take our camera shots with the inside walls of simulated Felix's house down. So, in fact, the toilet is not in simulated Felix's living room but rather in the bathroom. That said, however, a toilet in the living room would be a nice touch. We'll see what we can do about that in a future episode ...

  3. Radioactive milk? I gotta try it on my kid.