Sunday, April 02, 2006

my simulated reality tv life: episode twelve

Although My Simulated Reality TV Life is already your favourite simulated reality series, you've asked us for more. For example, you've asked for more conflict. More scandal. More adult situations. More sex. And more birthdays. So I'm happy to say, tonight, we're going to deliver. Why? Because we love all of you loyal My Simulated Reality TV Life fans. And when we say we "love," we totally mean it in a romantic, sexified - yes, that's right, sexified - way. Oh baby! Miss the last episode? Click here for a rerun. Don't know what the hell we're talking about? Point your mouse here to start at the very beginning. Now don't go anywhere, lov-er, because tonight's episode begins now!

Simulated Felix interviews Kaylynn as a potential new maid. Check out simulated Felix's tight, apple-like ass!

Episode Twelve
If you're a long-time viewer of My Simulated Reality TV Life, you already know that the simulated me is some kind of cheeky bugger. So maybe it doesn't come as a surprise to you that when it's time to interview potential new maids to clean our increasingly-chaotic simulated home, the simulated me somehow decides it's appopriate to conduct the interviews in nothing but my silk, turquoise boxers. Simulated Felix, you sly dog!

Enter maid candidate Kaylynn, a leggy, attractive, raven-haired beauty. The simulated me goes through his list of questions and then summarizes the interview as follows:

"Hmmm, so let's see, Kaylynn. You say you don't really know how to clean, don't have any references, don't always like show up for work on time and you're not very smart. I guess I really have no choice but to tell you ... you're hired!"

Bridgette and simulated Felix, in the midst of an argument. Bridgette looks kinda cute when she's mad.

Naturally, when wife Bridgette finds out about my hiring decision later on that night, she isn't too pleased. With her arms akimbo and an angry look on her face, she really gives the simulated me a piece of her mind. Uh oh, simulated Felix, better pull out that famous charm of yours!

So, with my best, sad puppy dog face, the simulated me humbly apologizes. Bridgette's face softens slightly ... and then she gives me a hug. Phew, apology accepted!

The simulated me and Bridgette stand staring at each other for a few minutes without much happening. And then, the simulated me cracks a little smile on his face. Bridgette smiles back. Yes! There's going to be some hot, simulated make-up sex tonight! Oh baby!

It begins ...

... 9 seconds (literally) of hot, dirty, make-up sex! Outstanding job, simulated Felix and Bridgette - you've made the Easter Bunny proud!

The next day, we wake up to a glorious morning. It's glorious not only because of the 9 seconds of simulated make-up sex the night before, but also because today is baby Felicia's birthday! There's no time to waste. While the simulated me whips up a cake, Bridgette straightens out around the house before the guests arrive. It's a fantastic day for a party - a birthday party!

Surrounded by family, friends, balloons, music, dancing, and birthday cake, everyone - including Felicia, everyone's favourite birthday girl - is having a great time. Now folks, this is a party - too bad you couldn't make it. But don't look now because it's time for the big moment ... the ceremonial blowing out of the birthday candles. And, just like that, in a blink of an eye, Felicia suddenly grows into a full-fledged toddler! Only in My Simulated Reality TV Life. Make sure you remember to tune in to the next episode!

Some of Felicia's birthday party guests are more crass than others. Felicia's teddy bear to Bridgette, Bridgette's best friend, Erin, and simulated Felix: "For 20 bucks, I can simultaneously do things to you girls and the guy who currently has his hand on my furry ass ... things that'll completely blow your minds! Only 20 bucks - now who's in?"

With the help of Bridgette, Felicia gets ready to blow out the candles on her birthday cake while simulated Felix and Erin cheer her on ...

... and, in a blink of an eye, Felicia grows up into a toddler!


  1. The new maid is hot. I bet simulated Felix is thinking, "I'd hit it".

  2. Wait, is it just me, or did baby Felicia also turn into an Asian?

  3. Team Shawn Michaels ... well, we're just going to have to wait and see if the hot new maid is involved in any future scandals or not. Stay tuned!

    Long Division ... maybe simulated Felix is an Asian, too!

    Kneeputt ... no, you give me money!

  4. Well, I hope so, or else Bridgette will have some explaining to do.

  5. Bridgette would never cheat on simulated Felix would she? Maybe simulated Felix should demand a DNA test.

  6. A simulated DNA test, of course.

  7. Aww.. I trust Felicia (...although Ido worry about increasing temptation, what with that sexy maid and suggestive bear in the house).
    well, this was a fun, action-packed episode! and that make-up sex scene... man, I think I can get multiple uses out of scrolling through that!

  8. Of course, Long Division, of course! See, you get it.

    Definitely, -c, with the new maid and the teddy bear, the potential for more fun and scandal is almost boundless. Stay tuned!

  9. First, I must give you kudos on the use of the the word akimbo. One does not often see the word akimbo anymore...

    Second, I'm with long_division in that the baby sure did turn out umm...interesting. After reviewing the photos of both parents I have to say that she's taking after Felix an aweful lot.

    Third, I finished my blog entry on our visit to the Seattle Aquarium. I have starfish pictures...Check it out!

  10. Thank you, Rebecca. One of our goals here at starfish and waffles is to bring words like "akimbo" back into the English vernacular. Haha, vernacular. I love that word.

    As for baby Felicia's appearance, I totally agree with you - the fact that she takes after simulated Felix means she's the most beautiful baby in the history of simulated humankind!

    Starfish pictures? Awesome! I'm going to check them out right now!