Saturday, March 04, 2006

wild animal kingdom: year of the dingo

Woof, woof! It's the Chinese Year of the Dog, which suggests a year highlighted by loyalty, truthfulness and friendship. This, of course, is not surprising - in many cultures, these laudable traits are virtually synonymous with the dog. But what if that dog happens to be a dingo?

Man's best friend? Perhaps ... or perhaps not. Don't let this innocent-looking dingo fool you. In the Year of the Dog, he'll eat your kidney and your firstborn at the earliest opportunity. Mmmm?

(Cue National Geographic theme music here).

Ever since one of our predecessor companies financed Charles Darwin's voyage to the Galápagos Islands many lunar calendar moons ago, we here at starfish and waffles have been actively pushing the boundaries of animal, biological and wildlife research. Call it a passion, an obsession, or what have you ... we just think the animals of our kingdom - the wild animal kingdom - are really neat. Yeah, that's right, you heard me: I said "neat."

Here, we take a closer look at the dingo, quite possibly the smartest, wildest, and most-maligned dog in the world. I'm sure you're already quite aware of the dingo's propensity for eating babies. Well, tonight, we bring you exclusive scenes from the results of a groundbreaking scientific experiment, which studies the interactions between a wild dingo and a 17-month old baby in a highly controlled environment. But this baby isn't just any baby ... it's my own - and only - nephew. Altruism be damned, I say, for tonight, science takes precedence! Let's get to the pictures.

A dingo quietly stalks his prey while the unsuspecting victim plays with a bouncy red ball. Luckily for the baby, he's quite a bit bigger than the dingo. Had the size discrepancy been less pronounced, we suspect the dingo would have already pounced by now.

In a brilliant display of cunning, the dingo employs a tactical approach worthy of Genghis Khan. Yes, folks, this is nature's version of the classic bait-and-switch: instead of immediately attacking, the dingo befriends the baby by playing ball with him first ... and then when he least suspects it, the dingo will likely surprise his target with a bite on the leg! Success, for the dingo, seems imminent.

But in an unforeseen twist of fate, the baby catches wind of the dingo's plans and the hunter suddenly becomes the hunted!


  1. Awwww. Your nephew is so cute he makes me want to stop taking the pill. Almost.

  2. Oh yes, the kid definitely has his uncle's good looks. As for not halting the pill-taking, what would your mom say, Long Division?

  3. That little peanut is as cute as a button. I'm talking about your nephew BTW. And smart to, I mean not just anyone can outsmart a dingo!

  4. A superb account of the usually elusive dingo on the hunt! Though I was hoping for a little more baby blood and guts, tits and violence, you did a fine job, Agent Felix! We'll certainly send you into the field again!

  5. Your nephew is the smartest and cutest baby in the entire world! The dingo is pretty cute himself. But alas, somebody's got to win!