Break out the cake and goofy party hats! Because tonight we're celebrating our tenth episode of My Simulated Reality TV Life, just in time for the last week of February sweeps. (Is our timing impeccable or what?) Did you miss the last episode? Click here for a rerun. New to the series? Click here to start at the very beginning. Now put the kids to bed, dim the lights and turn on the tele, because tonight's episode starts ... now!
A flashback scene from last episode: Bridgette blindsides simulated Felix with some earth-shattering news.
The good ol' blindside. Nothing quite like it. The last episode ended with the simulated me's jaw dropping in utter disbelief as wife Bridgette delivered some shocking news. Exactly what did she say? Well, it went something like this:
"Simulated Felix, great news, I'm pregnant again ... this time with twins! Isn't this wonderful? And more good news ... my mom is going to move in with us to help around the house! I'm so happy!"
Twins? God damn, simulated Felix, use a simulated condom!
Immediately, the colour drains from my face and I turn a textbook shade of pale. Twins? Mother-in-law? How could this have happened? What did I do to deserve this? Just as I start to feel light-headed and think I'm going to pass out again, I hear an impish little snicker ... a snicker which soon escalates turns into a loud, roaring laugh. Hey, Bridgette's laughing at me!
"HAHAHA!! You should've seen the look on your face!"
That was a cruel, cruel joke from a cruel, cruel wife. To get even and even fast, the simulated me wastes no time in tickling Bridgette into oblivion. Take that, Bridgette!
Bridgette has a good laugh at simulated Felix's expense.
The ability to tickle - and tickle well - can be a great equalizer in any situation. Take that, Bridgette!
After Bridgette is all tickled out, I decide to get out of the house for a bit to get some air. Sure, Bridgette was only joking, but what happened tonight had the effect of making the simulated me wonder if living the life as a good husband and father in suburbia is really as happy and blissful as I thought it was just last episode. I mean, is this all (simulated) life is going to be?
Back here in real life, sometimes we go to our oldest and best friends when we need a little perspective and the simulated me is no different. I cross the street and ring my old buddy Malik's doorbell. After a few seconds, Malik answers the door with his trademark 'fro and green shades.
"Hey Brotha, whassup?? How's the old lady and the baby?"
Just like old times, the simulated me and Malik hang out and shoot the breeze on his front stoop. Yeah, it's good just chattin' and hearing all of my buddy's wild stories about women, partying, and living up the single life.
But, ultimately, is Malik providing the simulated me with the perspective I need or is he simply being a bad influence? Make sure to tune in to the next episode of My Simulated Reality TV Life for the continuing saga!
Malik and simulated Felix talk about all of the important issues: women, money, work, partying, livin' life and ... green smiley faces. "The way I see it bro', two green smiley faces are better than one. Because two's more ... more than one. Proper!"
Bridgette has her single friends, too. Here she's listening intently to her best friend, Erin. Erin's finger-wagging suggests she's about to make an important point. Erin's brown, striped toque suggests the point is about pot. Erin is cool.
Words of wisdom from baby Felicia's teddy bear: "Bridgette, with today's gasoline prices, we can't afford NOT to buy a pony."