Monday, January 23, 2006

decision 2006: soda or pop?

It's the eve of a national election here in Canada, the second one in 18 months. (Now together everyone, a sarcastic "Yippee!!") But regardless of who ends up winning, I predict that the triumphant party will struggle with the tall task of bridging the gap and reaching out to the other side. No, I'm not talking about the heated rivalry between Liberal and Conservative but rather a division that runs much deeper in the psyche of all Canadians ... yes, that's right, I mean the long-running debate on whether one refers to his or her soft drink as "soda" or "pop."

The Canada Citrus Crush: a.k.a. the drink that saved Confederation.

Now, even though I'm still in my youthful, sexy years, I've had the opportunity to live in several different parts of this great, diverse country. And at each stop along the way, I've always been fascinated at how some people say "soda" and others say "pop." But who's right and who's wrong? Well, this patriot says it's about time that the issue be settled once and for all. Why? Because as wannabe Canadian Sam Houston once stated: "A nation divided against itself cannot stand!"

Therefore, in the interests of saving Canada, we here at the non-partisan headquarters of felix's daily starfish and waffles have been working all night to come up with a solution ... and in these early morning hours, I believe we have the answer. We present you with ... (drum roll, please) ... the Canada Citrus Crush, a carbonated drink so neutral, so whitebread, so middle-of-the-road, so devoid of visionary leadership and, most importantly, so infused with alcohol, it is guaranteed to unite this divided nation faster than you can say "gubernatorial." Haha, gubernatorial. I love that word.

Canada Citrus Crush
0.67 oz. Vodka
1.35 oz. Triple Sec
2 oz. Club Soda
4 to 6 oz. Five Fruit Citrus Juice

Pour the ingredients in the order listed over ice in a tall juice glass. Stir and garnish with a slice of orange. Drink and get liquored up!

P.S. Note the name of the drink is the Canada Citrus Crush and not the Canada Citrus Soda or Canada Citrus Pop. Am I a political genius, or what?

P.P.S. I am really, really drunk right now.

Interested in learning more about the soda versus pop controversy? While researching the background for this post, I stumbled upon this interesting website. Go there and find out whether or not you're in the majority in your particular part of North America.


  1. You're incredibly articulate when drunk. I'm impressed. Hmm...perhaps this is your secret?

  2. In Texas, they call everything Coke.

    Guy at McDonald's: What kind of Coke would you like?
    Patron: I'll have a Sprite, thanks.

  3. angelle - Why, thank you. If anything, my vocabulary and grammatical faculties are heightened by the presence of alcohol. And yes, I know I have a drinking problem.

    long division - Coke? Oh sure, just go ahead and vote for a third party candidate and throw your vote away!

  4. Hee hee! Funny post! I agree with angelle.
    I think you've certainly given back to your country in a meaningful and powerful way! If only all citizens were so altruistic!

  5. Look...I have YET to meet a fellow Canuck that doesn't say pop! Then again, I've never really left Alberta.

    But why would I want to when our 28 seats were ALL taken by the Ordained-by-God Conservatives? Whooo hooo....

    Not to get into a political debate, I do find the "coke" identity to be amusing. Long_Division mentions having a Sprite when ordering a "coke". Uh...can you imagine how much that is a piss-off for Pepsi?!?!?

  6. Strangely enough, Pepsico is based in Texas. I've said it before, but it bears repeating: Diet Pepsi is better than Diet Coke because Diet Coke tastes like cancer (or the edible, liquid equivalent of cancer).

  7. Hi -c, thank you for your kind sentiments. You know, I'm thinking about taking my altruistic citizenship up a notch, and running for political office in the next election. Rumor has it I'd make a great Minister of Just Gettin' Wrecked!

    Team Shawn Michaels, sometimes I say "soda" just to mix it up a little.

    Long Division, haha!
    Guy at McDonald's: What kind of (pop, soda, Coke - you choose which one) would you like?
    Patron: I'll have a Diet Cancer, please - I'm trying to watch my weight.

  8. Diet Coke = Diet Cancer is true! I don't know how it's possible to screw up the taste of cola...but whatever Coke does, they did it!

  9. WALKER: Texas Ranger25 January, 2006 13:36

    Personally, i think both diet coke and diet pepsi are incredibly disgusting. The asparatine or whatever they use to substitute for the sugar is incredibly noticable. You'll never find me @ a mcdonald's saying "yes, i will have a large liquid equivalent to cancer/anus to go with my fries and chicken mcnuggets." Bleh, gross.

  10. Wow, Walker! A visit from Chuck Norris himself!

    A new Chuck Norris fact:
    Chuck Norris doesn't drink Diet Cola. He roundhouse kicks and kills it three times before it hits the ground.