Tuesday, November 29, 2005

my simulated reality tv life: episode four

The people have spoken: from sea to shining sea, My Simulated Reality TV Life has been declared the biggest simulated reality series in all the land. Miss the last episode? Click here for a quick refresher. A complete newcomer? Click here to start at the very first episode and don't worry, the fact that you're behind the curve will be our little secret. Just do it soon. Because if you wait too long, you just might find that these classic episodes are no longer free over the internet ... and instead, you'll be forced to pay me $29.99 for the smash-hit DVD! (And won't you feel sheepish then ... baaa-aa-a!)

Simulated Felix (bam!), cooking up (bam!) some gourmet (bam!) grilled (bam! bam!) cheese (bam!) sandwiches. (BAM!!)

Episode Four
It's 2005, folks. Clearly, the quintessential twenty-first century man must be able to cook. This simple truth is probably doubly true for the simulated me. Quite frankly, sometimes I wonder if the only thing that keeps Bridgette from leaving me is my superior culinary skills.

So, with the mindset that the quickest way to keep a girl's heart is through her stomach, tonight I cook. On the menu: grilled cheese sandwiches. Why? Because as any twenty-first century man worth his salt knows, nuthin' says luvin' like grilled cheese. I'm sure all of you ladies out there would whole-heartedly agree.

What an entertainer: the multi-talented Bridgette shows off her juggling prowess.

Jazzy music playing in the background ... scintillating back-and-forth conversation ... grilled cheese sandwiches ... this is one romantic dinner that's earmarked for success. And afterward, Bridgette sure seems happy enough. However, the simulated me is still a little bit depressed. Maybe this shouldn't be too surprising since, after all, I've had a tough run of it lately: I've been fired from my job, gotten into a fistfight, and had to deal with other men coveting my wife.

Fortunately, Bridgette has developed quite a knack for being sensitive to those times when I'm feeling down. Taking it upon herself to try and cheer me up, without hesitation Bridgette opens the fridge, takes out three water bottles, and starts juggling them. Unconventional for sure, but it seems to work: apparently, the simulated me is rather amused by simple things and immediately, the worried look on my face turns into a goofy grin.

But it doesn't stop there.

Maybe it's because of the aged cheddar in the grilled cheese sandwiches ... or maybe it has something to do with the gracefulness of the water bottles being tossed into the air ... but whatever it is, suddenly the simulated me is finding Bridgette absolutely ir-re-sis-ta-ble. Like a man lost in the desert who's stumbled upon an oasis, I lunge at Bridgette and plant a wet, sloppy kiss right on her lips! And then another!! And another!! Go simulated Felix, go for gold!

Smoochie, smoochie ...

... smoochie!

Early the next morning, Bridgette wakes up feeling kind of sick and immediately rushes to the bathroom. It's almost as if she's suffering from some kind of sickness in the morning. At first, I don't really think much of it. Then, I get kind of worried that I might have food poisoned her the night before with my, umm, "cooking." Which, in turn gets me thinking more about last night ... hmm, last night ... mmmm, last night ...wait a second, last night ... OH DEAR GOD!

Poor Bridgette! But is it food poisoning or morning sickness?

Is Bridgette merely suffering from the effects of some bad grilled cheese or is she fertile like the Easter bunny? Click on the comments link below and tell me what you think! And make sure to tune in to the next episode of My Simulated Reality TV Life to find out the conclusion of this incredible cliffhanger!!


  1. Perhaps she's just reminiscing about her childhood and the pacifyer she was sucking on in last night's dream...hee hee.

    But, really, this was fun! Please continue!

  2. It's likely she's pregnant...Specially because morning sickness always hits a mere couple of hours after the said child is concieved.

  3. Hahaha, well, obviously time moves much faster in my simulated world than here in real life. But is Bridgette really pregnant? You'll have to tune in again next time to find out! :-)

  4. Bravo! Bravo! I really shouldn't be reading such material. I'm only 16 months old! Mum is rolling on the floor laughing right now!

  5. I wouldn't sweat it - I think she might have a touch of the flu. Its going around.

  6. hahahhahaha! grill BAM! cheese!

    that's so great.