Sunday, October 16, 2005

my simulated reality tv life: episode one

Survivor. The Apprentice. The Amazing Race. Reality TV is alive and well for another season and, quite frankly, it's been destroying felix's daily starfish and waffles' ratings. That is, until now. Because today, I fire back and bring you scenes from the exclusive world premiere of My Simulated Reality TV Life*!

Take that, Trump.

That's the simulated me on the right. On the left, my new wife, Bridgette. I had a hard day, so Bridgette's giving me a backrub - because that's the kind of standup gal that she is. Apparently, Bridgette suffers from a debilitating, disfiguring disability that has rendered the middle, ring, and pinky fingers of her right hand so frighteningly webbed that they collectively resemble a 2x4 that's been left to warp out in the summer rain. But I married her anyway - because that's the kind of standup guy that I am.

Episode One
Welcome to my simulated life. On a non-descript kind of day, I move into a non-descript bungalow on a non-descript street in a non-descript kind of neighbourhood in a non-descript town. The new home is actually quite nice but furnishing it doesn't prove to be cheap. Alas, I'm quickly running low on cash and need a job. But in what profession? It has to be in medicine. Because as everyone knows, chicks dig doctors. (Haha)

My incredible logic and foresight pay off. Before long, Bridgette, the girl who lives across the street, comes over to introduce herself and it's love at first sight. Soon afterwards, in what has to be the shortest courtship ever known to humankind, I propose, we get married, and she moves in. Woohoo!

All is happy and blissful in my newfound simulated life. But can it last? Will I be able to defy the odds and continue advancing my career in medicine despite not having any kind of formal training whatsoever? Or will I leave a trail of casualties as I blaze down a path of some shockingly blatant medical malpractice? On the surface, Bridgette is sweet and considerate but what skeletons are hiding in her closet? Stay tuned for the next episode of My Simulated Reality TV Life and find out!

A perfect Thursday afternoon is playing hooky from work to lounge around in your underwear and read books with your hot wife. Note: in real life, I have much bigger muscles and am much better-looking than the simulated me in the picture above.

* All footage of My Simulated Reality TV Life provided by The Sims 2, people simulator extraodinaire, for my Mac.


  1. These are the daves i know i know, these are the daves i know, these are the daves i know i know, these are the daves i know.

    Dave jadisky, he works in my dad's store, hes worked here for 12 years, hell probably work here for more!

  2. This is just so much better than Desperate Housewives or Grey's Anatomy .... I'm hooked. Addicted if you will .... I need the next epsisode .... bigger muscles, eh? Better looking, eh? .... we'll see ....

  3. Polar & Waffles16 October, 2005 22:55

    It's okay. It would be better if there were a polar bear and a dingo in it.

  4. Why thank you, anonymous. I believe My Simulated Reality TV Life is an early favourite to win an Emmy.

  5. Hi Polar & Waffles, hmmmm, posts on polar bears and dingoes are something I'll consider doing for my future Wild Animal Kingdom episodes ...

  6. awesome. you should check out my reality internet site - Winnipeg's Next Top Model (as opposed to that other famous one out there!) The theme is what real people look like and it's just my friends and I having a laugh, but you should check it out anyways, and vote!

  7. Hey Kira, go advertise somewhere else. Reality Sims is waaay more interesting than your friends.

    Dingobear, I don't think you're meeting your lovely wifes emotional and sexual needs. Buy her flowers, cook her dinner and lay pipe like a goddamn Albertan rigger!

  8. Oh come on now, I'm sure Kira's friends are very interesting.

    Aye-aye on the other part ... but do cut simulated Felix a bit of slack! He's only known Bridgette for like 30 minutes. But stay tuned to find out if things get more romantic! lol